where art collides philosoperontap

Thinking of having a simple breakfast this morning. A sausage, couple of bits of bacon, a bean or three and some toast. No idea if we has beens which might scupper the plan. V shall c.

Might also light the fire today. This may depend on the availability of suitable sized wood. We have plenty of kindling and tons of logs but the logs need splitting and I’ve left it too late for an axe to be any use. One day I’ll invest in a hydraulic log splitter. These things can’t be rushed. They need planning. I suspect the right one for the job will cost more than it is worth spending on this. Trouble is you don’t seem to be able to hire them. We must have 4 or 5 tons of logs. 3 at least.

The upbeat weather forecast this morning told us we are a mere month away from the start of meteorological spring. This was the only upbeat aspect of the forecast. The rest of it supported the aforementioned notion of lighting the fire. So we have to hold on for another month. Spring is definitely the best time of year. THG pointed out to me yesterday that I need to get on with building her raised beds which she will need in place ready for spring. This is a v valid point and something that will stimulate me into action. Ish. I work better when I have a deadline.

Sunday Service is from Wrexham. So far it isn’t too bad. First hymn is love divine and love excelling. It doesn’t meet my definition of the absolute perfect church service but at least it isn’t happy clappy. So far anyway. I really don’t understand the chanting by rote bit. This church has good bells which has to be a result innit. Ten bells with a 25 hundredweight tenor. I don’t know my bells but that feels right.

The news downstairs is that there is one remaining tin of beans and therefore the breakfast plan is a goodun. The cooked breakfast in The Rock Hotel in Gibraltar wasn’t too bad as far as hotel breakfasts go. However when considered in the context of having eaten out every night for a week meaning that we were never hungry in the mornings, breakfast was to some extent consumed only because we had already paid for it. It’s one of those dilemmas. The answer is to not go out to eat every night but hey…

Met Commodore Jamie Miller CBE last night in the hotel bar. He was with a group of military types from the Royal Gibraltar Regiment who were very smartly dressed in mess uniform – bright red jackets, dark trousers with a wide red stripe running down the side and spurs. You are probably aware that you only get to wear spurs if you are of field rank or above. I wasn’t but I asked. The Commodore wasn’t left alone long enough by the junior officers who had probably been dispatched to escort him to an association dinner – they were drinking soft drinks. I looked him up and boy did CM have a distinguished service career. He was a survivor from the sinking of HMS Coventry during the Falklands war.

This morning we take our leave of Gibraltar on the only sunny day there has been for our entire week on the Iberian peninsula. Apparently it isn’t going to last long as another week of rain lies ahead. My suitcase is 10kg heavier going home than it was coming out. Funny description of a bag, suitcase. I doubt they carry many suits these days. I suppose in the days when suits were normal attire people would travel with a number of them. I own two suits: the one I bought for Hannah & George’s wedding and my dinner suit. The latter gets worn perhaps once every three or four years nowadays. Every couple of years maybs. Usually rugby club dos.

I am pleased to tell you that my umbrella made it through security without a hitch but my body didn’t. My titanium hips set off the metal detector. It was quite interesting to hear the sound of metal being detected as the security guy subsequently ran the hand held scanner over my body.Should be boarding soon so I think I’m gonna sign off for now. Ciao amigos.

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Home sweet home and the heating is switched on. Will take a while for the hoose to warm up especially as we need a new heat exchanger for the boiler. Feels a bit surreal being back in Lincoln when only this morning we were 1,500 miles or so away in Gibraltar. 

I’m unpacked and have consumed a sausage sandwich. Got the driver to stop off at the Coop on Newport to pick up the necessary supplies. Looking forward to getting back to normal eating habits.

Picked up a few fox vids off the lake cam which I’ll need to review and record – a job for tomorrow.

Two people talking loudly about people at breakfast. In their defence it may have been that the table they occupied, in the corner, may have naturally amplified their voices but I don’t feel like giving them the benefit of the doubt especially as one of them gave her 3 year old granddaughter her mobile to go away and play with.

Our last full day in Gib, and indeed on continental Yoorp and really we are ready to go home. Too much eating man. This morning, at least, the weather is ok and we have the rock tour and the tunnels to look forward to. I have also opened the balcony door for the first time. Wow Gibraltar is a noisy place. 

Gibraltar is also very small. Only takes half an hour to walk the length of it. Even for a slow walker like me. The walking has been somewhat revelatory. Before hiphops 1 & 2 I would not have been able to do it. Now I’m planning trips away specifically to be able to go walking. My posh walking boots haven’t been out of the cupboard for yonks.

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The Rock Taxi Tour turned out to be great. Took a while to get going though. Our instructions were that there were three pickup points: 1 at the entrance of the currently closed cable car terminal, 2 next to the Trafalgar Cemetery or 3 in the middle of Main Street just past the Governer’s Building (or simlar). 1 and 2 were near our hotel so we strolled to 1 through the v pleasant botanic garden. Bugger all in the way of a taxi tour spot there. Okaaay we moved on to the Trafalgar Cemetery. There was a taxi rank but no taxis. I called the company. They suggested we go  to point 1 but I told them we’d already done that so we ended up walking to the furthest away point 3 Hey…

Point 3 was Taxi Tour central so we signed up for the next to go. Now we had to wait for two more to come as the driver didn’t want to leave without his full complement of 8 passengers. This was a 20 min wait. In the end, and just as we were about to leave, a couple of German guys turned up. One of them was wheelchair bound. Turned out he and his “carer” got free access to the Rock and only had to pay the taxi bit which was £20. The rock access was £30.

Tell you what it was all worth the effort. A brilliant visit. We saw St Michael’s Cave with loads of v impressive stalactites and stalagmites, the pillars of Hercules (look em up), a great high up viewing point with lots of apes playing to the tourists and the driver finally dropped us off at the WW2 tunnels. My dad had worked in these tunnels in 1953 when doing his National Service. Operation Mariner. The views were great and we could see Africa. Was a bit like Victoria Heights in Hong Kong.

The guy in the wheel chair didn’t really get to see much as he had to stay in the van the whole time.

After the tunnel visit we abseiled (well it almost felt like it) back into town and found a sandwich bar called the fork & cork for a spot of lunch at which point the sun at last came out! A quick nip in to M&S for a pair of cords in the sale (6 pounds bloody 50!) and we hiked back to The Rock Hotel to recover.

Chillin out in the room. THG & Hannah have gone for afternoon tea but afternoon tea, just ain’t for me. Having discovered that the tourist attractions worth seeing were closed due to the inclement weather George and I made up for it with a rare bit of retail therapy. I stood in the front porch of a leather shop, for a momentary respite from the rain as much as anything, and was tempted in by a sign saying SALE 50% OFF. They had some nice leather jackets there, very similar to the one the guy in Ronda wanted 300+ Euros for but at £400 reduced to £200. Didn’t do it for me but I did look at a number of them. The shop owner then knocked the price down to £170, just for me, and when I didn’t bite he further reduced it to £140. His last gasp offer “because I was the only business he would have had today” was £100 so we did a deal and I walked away with a very nice suede lambs leather jacket. At that price it was too good to turn down. Everything comes to he who waits. Might wear it tonight when we head to “Charlie’s” for dinner.

It is defo taxi weather still even though everywhere is walkable in Gib. Don’t want to rock up at Charlie’s in a damp condition. We are getting to the “end of trip state of mind” where actually if a flight was offered tomorrow we would probs take it. However we still have the rock and the tunnels to see which should be a high point. My dad served in the RAF as a radio operator inside the rock in 1953 when he did his National Service.

Although most attractions in Gibraltar were shut you really do get the impression of the place as a military stronghold over the centuries. Bastions, batteries and forts everywhere. Even the naval base has a protective  boom across the entrance. It does feel strange though, a short walk as it is from very Spanish Spain.

Had a nice chat with the woman in the photograph shop. I’d nipped in on the off chance they might have some old RAF shots from the time my dad was here. They didn’t but I did walk away with pics of John Jennon and Yoko Ono together with their Gibraltar Marriage Cert. There’ll be room for that in the shed. Anyway the woman in the shop was a Gibraltarian born and bred and knowing that I came from Lincoln mentioned their own Lincoln RedImps team based in Gib. Their match last night was postponed due to the weather. She said Gibraltar’s proudest moment was when their national side beat Celtic 1 – 0. Will have been some time ago but still very fresh in the national memory. 

Shame our trip coincided with unusually bad weather but it is what it is. We are taking a taxi tour around the top of the rock tomorrow morning to cram in all the main sights and finally see the tunnels.

Thassit. The sun is going over the yardarm and I am in the Rock Hotel. Ciao amigos.

Sounded v windy when I woke up in the night. Might even have been the wind that woke me. This morning Ronda has battened down everything that can be battened and is under siege. We have arranged a later checkout. We ain’t going anywhere this morning. Might even go back to the spa. We were the only ones in it last night. This is very much contingent on them having found my swimming trunks and put them somewhere for safekeeping. When I nipped there this morning there was no sign of them but the receptionist doesn’t arrive until ten so will pop back then.

Today’s destination is not so sunny Gibraltar. Wind speed is currently 36mph according to the meteorologico officio of GB dropping to 27mph just before we check out. Some parts of Espana are seeing 110mph gusts. Quite dramatic ere.

Looked at our cctv but no sign of bad weather at home. However the night before last one of THG’s blue pyramid shaped plant climbers dramatically fell over (the’s just me applying a bit of artistic license there). Whether it was animal action or wind we shall have to wait to find out as the lake cam is not connected to tinterweb.

Took some care over the packing this morning as I have a bottle of brandy, olive oil, vinegar and sherry to take home. We ain’t far from Jerez here and the sherry was decanted into a spare bottle from a big container. The guy banged a cork in and sawed the exposed end off with a knife. V cool. Was v nice sherry.

Looks like the swimming trunks are a lost cause btw. The receptionist at the spa couldn’t find them and suggested I ask the hotel reception but they had already suggested I ask at the spa. Ah well. Never mind. They were old and owed me nothing. THG said there would be an M&S at Gib where I could source another pair. Mind you I have said M&S ain’t my kind of shop anymore. Seehowitgoze.

So now we have some spare time on our hands…

The last couple of days have been busy with little time to sit, reflect and muse on paper. We now have a little spare time before heading for the bullring, or Bullring of the Royal Cavalry of Ronda as it is known locally. Our hotel suite looks across at the bullring so it isn’t going to take too long to get there and before we leave we are going to book a session in the spa for this evening as a prelude to our last night here at the Hotel Catalonia. I am impressed with the hotel. Everything is good quality including the breakfast which is how I rate a hotel. If you come to Ronda I am happy to endorse the gaff.

The other option is the Parador looking out over the valley and where we had dinner last night. The food was excellent. I had a simple veal and chips with some local red plonk. The steak was nicely seasoned and it was interesting to realise that the waitress assumed I would want it medium or well done which perhaps suggests how the average tourist likes theirs cooked. Average Brit perhaps. Huh!

Ronda is not a big place but has some serious vibes. It is clearly a top tourist spot, witnessed by the number of souvenir shops present. Even availed meself of one when I bought the EL SHED sign. They didn’t have one already made obvs but you buy the individual tiles and assemble it yourself. EL SHED will be mounted in pride of place next to the door of said shed in Lincoln.

Nice as Ronda is, and I’m sure Gibraltar to come, the main purpose of our visit to Spain was to see the kids running the Seville Half Marathon. I can’t tell you how proud we are of them. Hannah, her husband George and Joe were immense. It’s an achievement that will stay with them for their whole lives. It sends each of them a clear message that they are achievers. I suspect they will now move on from long distance running to more mundane efforts although Hannah is registered for the Lincoln 10k. If she did it next week she would probably breeze it.

Seville, btw, is a great place to visit. V historic. I would definitely come again, slightly later in the year when the ravages of winter have faded from memory and would probably stay in a nice hotel instead of hiring a house which was appropriate on this occasion due to the numbers involved. Hotel Alfonso XIII looked like the gaff to stay at. We drove past it on our horse and carriage ride (orsoncart).

Gottago. A bullring to visit.

What an interesting day. I set off early to visit a conference venue and got back just as tothers were trying to figure out what to do for breakfast. Followed a sign pointing to “breakfast, artisanal bread”, stuff like that but the inside bit was full so we moved on to plan B. We didn’t actually have a plan A or a plan B so carried on with the initial strategy of random mosey assuming that plan A would reveal itself. Plan B turned out to be a gaff known to locals (and tourists alike – I don’t like the use of the word “alike” in these scenarios but figured I’d drop it in anyway) as bar restaurant Las Columnas in the main square near us. LC was a big caff and rammed inside and out which was a good sign. Rammed though it was, they squeezed us in and even found us a bigger table once it had cleared.

Joe rocked up just after we had finished eating. He and I left the others to some nearby vintage shopping and set off in the general direction of the cathedral. A bloke in the middle of the road was buried in his phone and had to beeped at several times by the now stopped bus before reality reasserted itself and he sheepishly moved to a place of safety. Despite the sometimes cliff-like kerbs the line between pavement and roads is blurred here in Andalucia and lots of ramblers are to be found in the road.

We stopped near a couple of guitarists setting up and the lad nipped into a store to buy a sandwich. It was then that a very noisy machine tool started from within a v impressive hole in the road right opposite the musos. The poor buggers. You could hardly hear the geetars. They were good n all.

Joe reappeared at the same time as our Tom and we continued the stroll. Tom got a 20m tape measure for Christmas and had it in mind to measure Seville cathedral to see whether it was 20m long. A hen party passed in the other direction wearing rose tinted sunglasses. I brought my red shades along on this trip but forgot them back at the airbnb, which btw is a cracking gaff. Classic Spanish place with a central atrium. It unfortunately won’t be sunglasses weather tomorrow when the Seville half takes place. We found the cathedral and Tom was able to confirm that it was considerably longer than 20m. There was a queue so we didn’t go in.

THG and I went on a horse and carriage ride and have now done most of the principal attractions of old Seville. 45 Euros. Norrabad deal. The driver, who lit a fag half way round and puffed away, occasionally pointed at a building and mumbled something incomprehensible to which I replied OK reach time. He might have been speaking English for all I know, which I doubt, but we could hardly hear him. I can always go to my timeline to see what we saw. The architecture is stunning.

Cutting a long story short we then had a spot of tapas in the street of a thousand restaurants near the cathedral. I had a beer. I was inspired by the old photos on the wall to go and buy a spanish hat and with that in mind tracked down a local sombrero seller. They didn’t have the hat I sought. I suspect they don’t sell em anymore, anywhere. I did come away with a nifty flat cap made locally out of Harris Tweed!

Then we found A Barber of Seville where I had a short back and sides and a shave during which time I charged my phone as he conveniently had his own plugged in on the counter in front of me. I now look lovely.

Chillin now back at the hoose and pondering the evening ahead. The runners are loading up with carbs and having an early night. The rest of the party is heading for Fatouch which is just around the corner from us and is the #1 restaurant on tripadvisor for Seville – out of 3,328 places! It is fully booked but we figured if we rocked up at 19:30hrs they might squeeze us in as Sevillians are late eaters and we ain’t. Before then I spotted a bar where I may well spend some time familiarising myself with the local culture.

Finally, the football has so far gone well today with Cardiff drawing and Bradford losing to Huddersfield. Next Tuesday is a biggie with 2nd placed Imps at home to 3rd placed Bradford.

Ciao amigas, hasta luego.

PS oranges on trees everywhere here, but you knew that 🙂

Decided to look into heat pump and solar panels, especially it, as it would seem, there are going to be chunky grants available. It was just on the news. A beacon of light amid the chaos in the world order, or disorder. We are currently investigating (another) kitchen extension and if we are going to have the disruption then that would be the right time to invest.

Just uninstalled the guardian “Feast” app. None of the recipes were of any interest. It kept pushing vegan stuff. I have no issues with anyone who is vegan but it ain’t my thing. What triggered the uninstall was a random search for beef recipes which i figured was the opposite end of the spectrum to vegetation. This brought up a message informing me that the app didn’t do beef for environmental reasons. Huh. It ain’t that I don’t care for the environment,  witness my comments in the first para. The app did offer other meats but tbh im not sure I took to many of the recipes anyway. I daresay that lentils and butternut squash can be very nice.

Chefs these days seem desperate to offer different recipes because the ones we all know and love have been done to death. Even Delia Smith has a beef in ‘designer beer’ in one of her books. Winter cookbook or simlar. What she means is beef in ale and the designer beer bit was an attempt to differentiate. Make it sound as if it was a great new angle. I like Delia’s stuff though. Solid.

These days I tend to google for a recipe, compare a number of them and pick the one that works best for me. What this method does is it allows you to drill down into the fundamentals of a recipe. Tells you what ingredients are essential. Whether you really do need to nip out to buy a bottle of essence of kumquat. It matters not that once you’ve used the required two teaspoonfuls that bottle will languish at the back of the cupboard for ten years until the day you have a clear out and realise it is now nine years past its use by date. Does essence of kumquat ever go out of date? Someone will now tell me they discovered some in an archaeological dig and it was still OK to use. Got better with time even. Notwithstanding all this you either absolutely need that ingredient, compromise on the finished dish or pick something different. Beans on toast is a safe bet and if you don’t use butter it is vegan.

The kids once created a recipe book for my dad. It had delicacies like beans on toast in it. You might laugh (we all did) but mam used to do all the cooking and once she passed away he had to start from scratch. My grandmother once told me that when dad was a bachelor in London he used to boil an egg in the kettle when he was making tea. Nowt wrong with that I guess. His speciality was queenies with bacon in garlic butter, fair play. By the time dad himself also passed away he had become a dab hand at opening tins of baked beans.

Anyway, gorra go. Need to figure out what to have for breakfast.

An element of stiffness has crept into muscles that don’t get used that much. I spent the whole morning pruning apple trees. Starting with the medium sized red ladder I eventually had to fetch the 10’ aluminium steps. It’s a v good ladder fair play. You feel quite secure standing at the top. At noon I hot-footed it straight to the pool and did my regulation 30mins of ploughing before heading to meet THG at a lecture given by Steve Barclay who is a comedian. He was also v good, fair play.

Last night Adie Smith and I bottled the 2024 cider harvest. It was very dry but is something to build on. Didn’t pick many in 2025 as my left hip had not yet had hiphop2 and was too sore. I am feeling very bullish that in 2026 we can up the production levels. We have the crusher and the press and 12 litres of demijohn capacity. The only way is up.

In other news my latest purchase has arrived: “The Drovers’ Roads of Wales. Doesn’t blimmin cover the road I am interested in!!! Never mind I’m sure it will have some other interesting tidbits and I already know the route of ours.

Bloke with shaved head and beard just walked past the front drive. There was smoke emitting from his mouth. Must have been some tobacco based thing or similar as I don’t think it is cold enough out there to freeze breath. Pretty soggy though, v misty. Up slightly later this morning. The wireless had timed out before thought for the day, which is my signal to get out of bed.

Quite a nice fresh walk to the shed. Was raining so I went back in for my Tilley hat, just to keep the rain off my specs. The birds seem happy enough. We don’t want spring yet though. It is only January and I have yet to prune the apple trees. Apaz I have until the end of Feb. Happy the grapevine is done.

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Amazing. I was just walking back from Tesco and I actually overtook someone! My pace has been v slow and I’m trying to make a conscious effort to get it back to normal – lengthening stride, increasing step rate, that kind of thing.

Sunday Sunday. Apparently sales of the Bible are rocketing. Heared it on the wireless just now. Heard it. Autocorrect didn’t kick in there. Woke up a bit later than normal and missed “on your farm”. Also missed the even earlier 2 minutes of church bells which I only discovered when I was recovering from hiphop2 and couldn’t sleep. That phase is over yay. Might rewind the radio and listen to it anyway. Later.

Now lying in bed waiting for the Sunday Service to come on. Stand by.

“Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God”. It’s ok. Not too bad anyway. Coming from Belfast. Need to give it more time. I wouldn’t say it has immediately done it for me. Actually the first hymn is quite boring. There are a lot of bland uns out there. The jewels are islands of beauty in a sea of tuneless mediocrity. Off it goes. A bit of toast beckons. Two bits. White wild farmed sourdough or similar. From Waitrose.

Another thing this morning is a slightly itchy left shoulder blade that I can’t quite reach to scratch. I’ve been doing bear impressions on door jams as I walk through. Ooby do.

No fox action. Not been seen for a few days now. Maybe it’s killed everything around here that it can get at and has moved on to another part of town. Do foxes hibernate? Gone on holiday to see its country brothers maybe. A dangerous trip.

Today will to a large extent be a day of watching snooker. The finale of the Masters from Ally Pally. We’ve never been but we have been to The Crucible Theatre in Sheffield for the “worlds”. Also to Llandudno for the final of the Welsh Open. We don’t mess about, us 🙂 

In between frames we have a very nice pork loin that I shall be roasting to perfection with particular attention being given to the production of top notch crackling. And the gravy. Good gravy is essential. Last time I opened a bottle of the Herout Cider (Cidre) I bought last time we were in Normandy. It’s much better than the crap you get in supermarkets here. The other thing is that there is far more in the bottle than I need for the gravy so I’ll have to polish off the rest whilst cooking. Doesn’t keep yanow. I may still even have some of their calvados. A numbered bottle (something like 27/61) of their limited edition vintage single harvest stuff. Quality.

My latest book purchase arrived yesterday. The Welsh Cattle Drovers by Richard J. Colyer. A quality read. Lots of really detailed and interesting facts albeit mostly from the nineteenth century. My real interest lies a hundred years earlier but that was a time with very little written record. The drovers themselves tended to be illiterate and memorised everything. 

The lack of written records in Wales before the nineteenth century is an observation that often rears its head when looking at histories. Wills are very useful, which I think I’ve mentioned before. What complicates things is the difficulty of reading handwritten scripts before 1700. I need someone who is an expert in this style of writing. Lots of twiddly bits and abbreviations. It takes hours of staring at one document to figure out the words. I no longer bother trying. Might take a course in it someday! Probs wont.

Not much will have changed between 1730 and 1830 in our part of the world so it is all relevant stuff anyway. The things that did change were prices but there were loads of things that went on over the course of the century that pushed some costs up and some down so it is difficult to extrapolate. More time needs to be spent in the library in Aberystwyth. The key finding from the book is the mention of the route that went directly past our farm in Llanllwni and that the drovers preferred to buy direct from the farm rather than at market fairs. 

The drovers and the cattle industry became early pioneers of the modern banking system. They handled what was a huge amount of cash for their times.  For wealthy individuals wanting to deposit cash generated by their Welsh estates a drover would take the cash and leave it in Wales but pay the money out of that generated by the sales of cattle in Smithfield Market thereby avoiding having to carry larger amounts of dosh than they needed to. A very risky business being a drover. The modern Lloyds Bank grew out of a bank started by drovers. There ya go. Learnt something new.

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Things wot I observed when out and about this morning. There was a fire engine in action by the Brayford. A hose was attached to a standpipe in a hydrant and anotehr ran into the bock of flats just by the bridge behind M&S. Saw another fire engine passing the Peacock though it didn’t have its blue lights on like the first.

Then at the lights at the bottom of Lindum Hill a Land Rover Discovery sport was indicating to go into the left hand lane. When someone let it in a hand sporting a posh watch reached out from the passenger seat in acknowledgement.

While in the car, on a rare tuning in, albeit very momentarily, to BBC Radio Lincolnshire I was informed that Fantasy Island and Pier at Skegness have 150 vacancies for thre forthcoming season if anyone is interested. Comes with a healthcare package and unlimited free goes on all the attractions.

In other news my hilton points level, 1,505, is the lowest it’s been since I joined Hilton Honors, their spelling not mine. I burned 360k on a week at a 5 star hilton in Malta in September. All part of the slippery slope of extracting myself from the world of  business. The BA club class flight cost £60 plus 60k avios. I still have a ton of avios.

Somewhat frazzled this morning after a great night out in Nottingham. Didn’t get to bed until after minding which is v late for me. The hotel was pretty crappy. The only thing it had going for it was the fact that it was only about a hundred yards from the venue. Home now and waiting for the heating to come up to a working temperature in the shed. Made the mistake of switching it off before we left yesterday. No lakeside action to report. A quiet night on the fauna front.

Arrived at the Mercure Nottingham for the @Jeff Brown gig at Peggy’s Skylight tonight. Totes pissing down. My fedora (well it is a jazz gig) kept me dry and my specs dropless, if you get my drift. Bloody miserable. The room is only just bigger than the shoebox we had for the Paris Olympics and the widow blind is stuck in the down position. Oh and the bar is shut. Never mind.

Sbeen an action packed afternoon. Picked up my Taverners Membership card from Trent Bridge then we made our way to the Lace Market Car Park. It is one of those very old car parks with narrow parking spots. Very very old. Hey, I reversed in ok. We did three emporia: the caff at Waterstones, a walk through the storm to M&S and then John Lewis.

Waterstones caff had a lot of singles reading books at tables with the occasional laptop open. One oldish guy was reading a book entitled “Writing Better Lyrics”.

M&S is where, after about 90 seconds, I finally realised it was not my kind of shop. They have nothing for me. Not even the right kind of underpants! What is the world coming to? THG found a barg or two while I spent 25 mins on my phone in the caff. It is her kind of shop. They do have a good selection of bras. I could see that from my vantage point near the cutlery point in the caff. Father Ted sprang to mind…

Overheard a woman asking for four sugars and saw the bloke opposite pick up his dropped piece of cake and pop it in his mouth. Ten second rule applies, I said. His wife replied that he would have done it regardless of the elapsed time.

We slow footed to John Lewis. Through the rain and eventually manoeuvred past four women with umbrellas walking abreast and filling up half the street. JL loomed large and we went immediately to the furniture section. We were there for me to try out a few armchairs. Only one fitted the bill that we could both agree on. I then sat on a sofa in the haberdashery section and when rescued from there we hit the menswear, so to speak.

The choice of underpants at JL was very disappointing. Better quality than M&S but they only had one pack of boxers in my size and they were the wrong colour. Who on earth wants black and grey boxers. These days it would appear to be all about trunks and slips and other figure hugging apparel. Not my thing. THG disappeared for a mo and I ambled around the menswear. A nice soft cotton pair of pyjamas caught my eye. They were in the sale down from £85 to £45. Bargain. There were no pyjama tops on view and it was then that I realised that these were not pyjamas but lounge pants! Huh! I put them back on the shelf and we moved on. Some lucky member of staff will have to tidy them up as I messed them about looking for the sizes on the labels inside the kecks.

We retraced our steps to the car park passing a bedraggled woman without umbrella or headgear to keep the rain away. Her face was contorted in discomfort.

Now in the hotel room watching snooker with a cup of tea and a biscuit. We have three hours to relax and recover from a very rare (for me) bit of retail before we head out into the night. Fortunately the venue is only about a hundred yards away. 

Ciao amigos.