where art collides philosoperontap

The dawn chorus is in full voice.  With several part harmony. It’s the best time of day, no question though I am pretty fond of the end of a nice warm day. We don’t get em very often. Mornings are more consistent. Expectations are different. You are more likely to have an enjoyable early morning than early evening because the freshness is there whatever the weather is going to be that day.

Maybe part of it is being tired of an evening. It’s certainly a lot easier to decide to do some excercise in the morning than in the evening. You wonder if the birds know what the other birds are saying. The different makes of bird that is. Sounds a bit like different makes of car or washing machine doesn’t it? I could have used the word breed but I chose to give the impression that I was a child of my time, dumbed down and dangerous. The dangerous bit just sounded the right thing to say and not in any way relevant to the thread of the conversation. It was the poet in me coming out.

I, as a poet, am not particularly into dangerous things. It just rolled off the poetic tongue. Not one of those “roll around the tongue, chew it, spit it out and see what it looks like” rolls. Just a “spontaneous without thinking out it came” roll. Often the latter roll results in interesting consequences. It’s the writing that you look at and think, wow, how did that get there? Amazes me sometimes.

Early mornings are perhaps not really the time to be amazed. Tbh I’m too bleary eyed to be amazed. It’s a condition that is only party alleviated by rubbing the eyes with forefinger. You can probably do it with the back of your hand but I wear glasses and it is easier to slip my forefinger in underneath the rim to do it. That way I get to keep my specs on and not smudge them.

Smudging specs is an occupational hazard of the wearer of glasses. Real nuisance because you then need to clean them. That might sound simple enough but you also need to make the decision which cloth to use. Shirt or tie? Well I seldom wear a tie so it has to be shirt. However what you, dear possessor of 2020 vision need to know is that shirts can apply tiny scratches to the surface of a lens thereby rendering them opaque over time. Even silk ties can do this. Opaque lenses are clearly no good. Geddit:)

The only safe way of cleaning specs is to use one of those microfibre cloths they provide in the glasses case when you buy them. Using a proprietary specs cleaning liquid is also handy. Produces very good results. Crystal clear. I can recommend it. Never have any of the stuff in though. Gets used up and there are two specswearers in this house. Notice how I fused the two words there. It was to make you think I had a sweary side. I have been known to swear. When I’m with the lads. To make me sound big. You know how it goes.

Most of the time I don’t swear. Especially on twitter. Not sure I’ve ever sworn in writing like that. I’m sure I’ve used the word bugger a few times and perhaps bloody but these days people don’t count them as real swear words. Not like the too oft used “f” word or the “c” word which really shows you are upset. Or don’t have much of a vocabulary which is quite likely to be the case. Loser.

I do realise that vocabulary is a living changing thing. The words I use have evolved. Simplified really into acronyms. Perhaps that is the ultimate dumbing down. You dropped the apostrophe ages ago. Capital letters and grammar then got kicked into touch and acronyms, and abbreviations were the final phase. Wtf? That’s what I’m talking about btw. Note I didn’t drop the apostrophe. I’m into evolution in an acceptable way. You still know what I mean when I say wtf and btw but drop the apostrophe and I introduce ambiguity. You can also drop a capital letter without really affecting the sentence. If it comes after a full stop you know it’s the start of a new sentence. Drop the full stop and it makes the reading a lot harder.

I’m beginning to sound like a teacher here and a teacher I am not. I doubt that I’d have the patience. Bloody kids. There you go. I swore. I do have kids of my own as I may have mentioned but it’s hard enough keeping them under control without surrounding each of them with 29 partners in crime. The number 29 comes to you from the British education system which in theory has standardised class sizes at 30. Only the state education system. I’d be somewhat annoyed if I was paying a fortune to have my kid educated privately and find that they were in classes of 30.

That would be a nice little earner wouldn’t it. Let’s assume the kid is at a top public school and you, the parent are forking out around thirty grand a year for the privilege. Last time I looked htat is what they pay. Probably more now but hey. Anyway thirty grand times thirty kids is nine hundred k a year. Ok you have the hotel bills and other infrastructure cots to pay out of that but it would be a nice little earner. This is all an academic debate (geddit again?;) ) because privately educated kids are not squeezed into classes of thirty, as far as I know, except for games. You need fifteen a side to play rugby unless you are playing rugby league or sevens.

Anyway four kids at a top public school would cost  a lot of money. Anne would have to get a bar job. I’ve always thought that would be very handy, having your wife work behind the bar of your local. However if Iwas shelling out that much money for the kids education I’d probably not have any dosh left to go down the local even if she was able to slip me a quiet freebie every now and again. I’d have to buy some beer when the landlord was looking.

If I had that kind of money I’d probably not be going to the pub in the first place. More likely to be a wine bar or club. The champagne in pubs around here isn’t that good. In fact I’m not sure the Morning Star even stocks champagne. There would be no takers. Mind you I don’t think it stocks mild anymore either. I bet the yoof of today don’t even know what mild is. They are all into vodka. Mixed with pop. Huh!

3rd Law Part 41 here

3rd Law Part 43 here