where art collides philosoperontap

…whatsis name now oh hang on, Vince Cable worra lump of wood – its unbelievable they don’t know nothing guv they don’t know what’s going on in the country.  God they should get themselves out and about a bit more guv, they should get themselves out west, go west.

You’ve only got to go 8 miles, 10 miles west the whole area, the whole area Ruislip, Ickenham, Hillingdon, Feltham, Hayes, Pakistanis and Bangladeshis.  Slough is a war zone, the police won’t even come out in Slough. You call the police they won’t even bother to come out.  They’ve got the Rumanians, the Bulgarians, the Poles they stand on street corners, 20 or 30 men. 20 or 30 of them there they stand on street corners and all they’re looking at is to kill each other. It’s unbelievable. It’s unbelievable and we’ve let it go and it’s too late now to stop it.

I’m a bit upset today because I was playing golf this morning but it’s too late now – my son had a bit of business to do. He said I can’t get there till 3 o clock. I said you can’t play golf at 3 o clock at this time of year – you’ll need a miners helmet.

I said don’t worry about it you’ve got to take care of business you have a family to look after. Don’t worry about it don’t wear yourself out. We can go tomorrer. What about Neil he says? Don’t worry I’ll take of Neil I’ll phone Neil up.

Neil drive a taxi too does he?

Yea so does my son believe it or not except he works for someone as well .  He works for his father in law. Go on drive yerself mad (shouts at a bus). See what I’m saying now?

Wot’s the need for that cos he couldn’t get out?  Have a look.  Do you know they got cameras on?

What the busses?

Yeah. And if  you going across a box he’d take my photo doing it. Doesn’t matter if I was moving or not.  And I’ll get a 130 pound fine. And I have to prove I never entered the box. But watch this lot enter the box.  They’re mustard.

Those criss cross boxes up there?

Yea the yellow boxes. Come on this is crazy were not moving. But you know that’s my point. Have a look at the traffic. He’s a bus driver like you know what I’m saying but he’s got to stop to have a row. It’s nonsense everywhere you go. Every where you go guv.

Where do you live then?

I live in St Johns Wood opposite the zoo. But I want to get out of here guv, I don’t want to live ‘ere no more.  But it’s a bit difficult for me. My son, my youngest son he’s 36 and he’s just had a baby so he’s got a little 3 month old baby girl so we’ve got a grand daughter.

They live near Uxbridge.  Beautiful house he’s got. His father in law’s got more money than God and every now he picks people up at Heathrow and takes them down to Barking. He’s got a massive big warehouse there.  They stay there, have lunch, do the business and all the time his father in law says leave your meter on and then he takes them back again to Heathrow. It’s 3 or 4 hundred quid and I say to him you can’t afford to turn that down boy. The good thing about my son is he’s not a taker.  He’s a giver not a taker that boy.

I met a taxi driver the other day who commutes in from Felixstowe every day.

I’m telling you they come  in from Cornwall. There’s a cab driver at Heathrow airport he’s a lovely fella.  He flies down to New Quay.  I don’t know where he comes into but he comes up to here  then he does three or 4 days here and flies home again.

And there’s others come up on the train and they rent a cab or they’ve got families.  Like I mean if my son wanted my cab he could have it from 11 o’clock every morning until 4 o’clock the next morning.  But he’s got his own cab.

Is that what you do 4 till 11?

Yea I’ll tell you the truth guv I get up and I go straight out to the airport at 4 o clock. I don’t drive around looking for work. I go out to the airport.  I get there for 4.30 right and I bring one in. I do two or three jobs, I pick her up at about 10.30 and I whiz off home. And that’s me done that’s what my day is.

I’d like to go down there but you can’t. Russel Square is all closed off. Joke it is.  It was like that with the bike rides. The bike rides were a joke and the whole of London was closed off. I worked Sunday for the first time in about three years. I couldn’t believe it I had to go home. Everything was shut down for these phoney bike rides.  Unbelievable!

You wait until the Olympics.

Where you from guv?

I’m from Lincoln

Lincoln yea. See these little kids here they’re my grandchildren by my oldest son. He’s 13 she’s 11 and this little guy here he’s 6.  They come from Melton Mowbray.  I love it up there guv. I wanna move. Said to my woman let’s sell up buy a house there, buy a gaff in spain and were settled, were sorted. She says what you gonna do, not work? Well you know! Well I don’t really want to stop work guv. It just keeps you going.

I don’t really want to retire. I’m 71 in 2 days time.  It keeps you going. I’m doing this crossword. Mind you I’m doing this crossword and I’m stuck on one. No use asking me. I’ve never heard of the word.  I’ve got 4 letters out of 5 and I know the 4 are right but I still don’t know what it is!

Oh dear

They’ve got a little bubble – some of ‘em have some of ‘em aint. He’s got a little bubble – see that that’s the camera. Last time they done me they done 130 quid on Edgeware Road. I said nanananana I’m not paying that mate.  I was turning right on Upper Berkeley Street and I got stuck.  The highway code says you can turn right.

All that round there is closed. It’s a nightmare guv a nightmare. What’s it going to be like with the Olympics?  Well unfortunately guv unfortunately I’ve booked  a holiday. In October, so I can’t take any more time off over the Olympics. It’s cost me ten grand. Taking the grandkids to Florida, swimming with dolphins, the lot…