where art collides philosoperontap

Typing with cold hands is a lot slower going and one is prone to make mistakes. Have you ever noticed? I specifically mention this because my hands are at present cold. It’s been a sunny day but there is an edge to it, especially since next door’s sycamore tree is casting a substantial shade over the conservatory.

The weekend est arrivee as they say in Paris, and Perpignan. Tools have been downed and I’m in for a bit of relaxing third law, some mental escapism. Is all escapism mental anyway? I suspect there is strong mental element to it. We all like to dream. I’m a dreamer. Why not?

Although life is wonderful sometimes the real world needs hiding from. You only have to look at the news. Ever noticed that the news is normally mostly bad news? Who needs it? Just switch off that damn telly will you?

I’m sat in the kitchen because cooker is on and it is giving off heat. The hands are slowly warming up. I’ve donned a pair of socks. On my feet not my hands. If I put socks on my hands I probably wouldn’t be able to type at all, let alone slowly. Counterproductive. Socks on hands.

Mind you there are occasions when socks on hands are lifesavers. In Antartica for example. If you went to Antartica and forgot to take your gloves you wouldn’t last long. In that scenario it would be very useful to wear a pair of socks on your hands. A few pairs even, depending on how thick the socks were. Make sure you still have a pair or two for your feet though because taking your socks off your feet to warm up your hands would mean your feet get cold which is no good either.

If you haven’t got enough spare pairs of socks and can’t borrow any from anyone else then the only sensible recourse is to turn around and head for home. As quickly as your sock encrusted feet will carry you. And make sure you don’t touch any bare metal with your bare hands. Bad news.

There I go again. Talking about bad news. Move on Tref baby. Move on. I only used Antartica as an example, like I said. An extreme one. It could have been any other cold place, like Farenheit’s shed or wherever it was he discovered that you could go colder than zero degrees centigrade. Must have come as a big surprise to find out that you could get colder than nought degrees. Bet he chuckled to himself and said “hey hey hey, wait until I tell the boys about this”.

The boys in question, and I can’t say I’m absolutely certain about this, would have been his fellow scientists at the local science club. They meet at the local church hall on every third Thursday of the month unless it is a Bank Holiday.  Quite interesting, the stuff they talk about. How to turn corned beef into gold. The difference between green flux and pink flux, whatever they are. And don’t ask me why I said corned beef. It just came out that way. Lead would have been more believable although lead is a fairly expensive metal itself. Not as expensive as gold mind you which is ridiculously expensive.

Gold has also caused lots of problems. Wars and small scale armed robberies. When I say small scale I do not seek to minimise the impact of the armed robbery itself. It can’t be very nice to be subjected to an armed robbery. “Hands up or I’ll shoot” or “hands up and you are mincemeat” or words to that effect. I’d stick my hands up pdq. Innit?

It isn’t just gold that robbers so armed robberies for. Sometimes it’s cash, I assume or broccoli. You’d want to be a pretty desperate armed robber to commit such a heinous crime for the sake of a crown of broccoli. Desperate or totally thick which isn’t out of the question. I imagine most armed robbers end up getting caught. They got all the great train robbers in the end didn’t they? I dunno.

I’ve never considered doing an armed robbery myself. I was well brought up. I know the difference between right and wrong. Make love not war. Man. My parents didn’t specifically put it like that but they’d probably agree with me.

Cut to a flashback from Tref’s childhood

Little Tref: “Dad is it ok if I take my cowboy gun down to the post office and do an armed robbery. I need some money for sweets”.

Dad: “No son. Armed robbery isn’t right. People would be frightened for their lives and someone would be deprived of their money”.

Little Tref: “Oh really? Ok then dad, I won’t”.

End of flashback

I do remember having a cowboy outfit when I was a kid. I had a pistol and a holster. Think I might have had a rifle too.  I remember once having my photograph taken by a parent and putting some dust in the barrel of the gun so that it looked like smoke coming out. Disappointingly it wasn’t visible in the photo. We lived in a council owned house with a tennis court out the back. I don’t think the net was there anymore.  I would have been too small to play tennis anyway. Probably wouldn’t have been able to see over the net. Happy days.

Now I have problems, worries, things that keep me awake at night. Actually I don’t particularly. That isn’t to say I don’t wake up in the middle of the night sometimes. Often due to the consumption of beer the previous evening. When I do wake up I sometimes pick up the phone and watch the Twitter stream.  Because most of the people I follow on Twitter are in the UK there isn’t very much action there in the middle of the night.

When I started out on Twitter I followed a load of Americans. It didn’t take me long to realise that this was a mistake. I’ve nothing against Americans but culturally their tweets were different to mine. Talk about going to the mall or grade school or who the Pirates are playing today. Don’t ask me who the Pirates are or what sport they are playing. I just made the name up though there could well be a team called the Pirates. Sounds as if they should come from Pittsburgh or Pensylvania. Not Penang though because that’s not in America. It’s in Malaysia. I know my geography. Unlike the pool attendant who I chatted with at a hotel in San Jose once. He asked me where I was from and I told him “The UK”. “Is that near London” he said. Hey!

I spend quite a few evening unfollowing those Americans. There isn’t a block unfollow tool on Twitter. Took me ages. Worth it in the end though. I still follow some Americans. Have to have someone to keep me entertained during those middle of the night sleepless vigils.

When you wake up too early and then nod off again that’s the best bit of sleep I find. It’s a real result. V refreshing. The dreams you have during that time are the best. Not that I can ever remember them.

I wrote a poem once about surfing the internet when my eyes were closed. There were screens on the inside of my eyelids. Cool or what? I once woke up with my eyes closed. I remember saying to myself “hey I’m awake but my eyes are closed”. Cool huh. Anne would never have found out though in actual fact she was probably asleep herself even though she is a light sleeper. It’s a totally useless fact anyway. Never going to appear in a pub quiz. And I don’t like pub quizzes. They are full of questions about football and TV soaps and other subjects I absolutely know nothing about.

The one quiz question answer that sticks in my mind is “Also sprach Zarathustra”. Not sure if I got the spelling right there. Actually I’m not even sure I know what the question is. Something to do with music but no idea who or what. Just sounded like a handy answer to me. Far more interesting that “Eastenders” or “Manchester United”.

I have to tell you that I have only watched Eastenders once or twice ever. And then probably not the whole programme. How people can waste their time on rubbish I will never know. Far better to spend it writing sections of the 3rd Law. Far more useful. I’ve watched Manchester United a few times. On the telly. Not that I am a Man U fan or even a football fan. It’s just that when you are a sportsman you watch sport, whatever that sport is. Even tiddly winks. Though I don’t think they televise tiddlywinks. Maybe I should suggest it to Skysports.

Actually no. It needs to be a free to air channel. I don’t pay for my TV, apart from the TV License. I certainly wouldn’t pay to watch tiddly winks. I just said that for effect. I can see you all now. “TIDDLY WINKS TF?!!!”

Hey. It takes all sorts.

3rd Law Part 35 here

3rd Law Part 37 here