This is a game anyone can play at home. Work it out for yourself.
EXIT XITE ITEX TEXI
XITE ITEX TEXI EXIT
ITEX TEXI EXIT XITE
TEXI EXIT XITE ITEX
XETI ETIX TIXE IXET
ETIX TIXE IXET XETI
TIXE IXET XETI ETIX
IXET XETI ETIX TEXI
XIET IETX ETXI TXIE
IETX ETXI TXIE XIET
ETXI TXIE XIET IETX
TXIE XIET IETX ETXI
XEIT EITX ITXE TXEI
EITX ITXE TXEI XEIT
ITXE TXEI XEIT EITX
TXEI XEIT EITX ITXE
Oo a loaded gun. I expect if I point it at my foot and pull the trigger it will shoot off my foot. Bang.
Happiness is a warm gun…
Mama?!
The hour is almost upon us. That hour on a Friday afternoon where responsibilities are discarded and all compasses point to the pub. It’s a strange concept where you look down at the device in your hand and the in built compass steers you towards a beer. Of course the path is well trodden and the compass is unnecessary. Nevertheless its presence is comforting. Makes you believe that were you in a strange place on the Friday afternoon the compass would see you alright.
On this occasion I have some rock classics blaring out on the SONOS courtesy of Spotify. I have been housebound for much of the day and feel the need for release. Hawkwind, Silver Machine, AC/DC Back in Black. I was never particularly into heavy rock as a youth. I can’t say I am now really but this afternoon it is working for me. This new appetite is partly in response to the the fact that I’ve played my Spotify Fave playlist to death. It needs new blood.
For all I know the phone may be ringing or there could be someone at the front door. Well they are too late. The house should be able to make people aware of the receptiveness of its occupants. It would range from yes come on in the door is open to total obliviousness that anyone is there. People could make their own decisions based on this information. Use visual means of communications perhaps instead of audible ones. Or inaudible as the case may be.
Alright you lot? Just on the Eurostar zooming through the countryside Belgium bound. No idea where we are but I think still in la belle France. I’m listening, very appropriately, to Jacques Brell. There is an announcement but I can’t hear it with old Jacques singing passionately in my ears. Ah coming into Lille je pense.
I thought it was about time you got a collective letter. I don’t have anything particular to say. Mum and I are off out for a cultural Saturday on October 1st. The exhibition of portraits in the Usher Gallery in the morning, lunch followed by an afternoon of talks on local history at the Collection. The latter is art of the Lincoln Book Festival, or similar. Nice to do something like that with your mum.
Mum is a particularly English way of describing Webs. As a dual Irish Welsh national I would of course naturally call mine mam. The same would apply if I was from Newcastle and Liverpewl. It must therefore be a Southern English thing.
Just seen a typical Frenchman was along the platform. V smart suit, nice haircut and towing a suitcase and laptop bag. On his way to do a bit of business. Or returning from the same.
The escalator continues even though there is no-one on it. A bit wasteful. Quite artistic though. I can imagine a display at the Tate Modern comprising of just an escalator. They would have to have double height gallery or indeed just rope off one of the escalators between floors. People could stand and watch the display either at the bottom or the top.
This could potentially cause problems. If there is only one up and one down escalator then people would have to use the lift to go either up or down, depending on the direction of the one used in the display. There could be an issue here with the capacity of the lift. You would need several to replace a single escalator. The only alternative is plan A – build a stand alone escalator in the gallery. Nobody said art was easy. If it was everyone would be a Picasso.
I envisage this display would have a simple card next to it saying “escalator by Tref”. No capital E. Doesn’t need it. That would suggest a start and finish which of course the escalator doesn’t really have. Unless it is switched off but that would undermine the subject.
We would have to see how it goes but we might have to post an attendant at the entrance to the escalator to stop idiots stepping onto the display. Adds to the cost for the gallery but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and this will not have been a cheap exhibit to put on anyway.
This work is for sale. There is more than one available but each one is signed and individually numbered. People could buy them in pairs and install them as functional escalators in a building of their choice. Their home even. Clearly it would have to be a big home but this is unlikely to be a problem for someone able to afford this work.
It isn’t difficult to envisage a scenario where thousands are sold, making us all rich, and creating a situation where people travel around the world just to “collect” escalators by Tref. I could even do a website that allows people to post pictures of themselves next to any given numbered piece. There could be a hierarchy of fans with the higher statuses reserved for people who have seen more of them than others. Silver, gold and platinum or maybe something denoting the number of floors climbed. The higher the number the higher the status. I think we’ll do it that way.
As I think about it the main escalator display would definitely have to be a riser. This would be far more positive than the down version and is more in keeping with my optimistic outlook on life. The pairing of up and down is also ok but down on its own isn’t. The pairing brings with it a lot more scope for interpretation. The dual version would be called “pair of escalators by Tref”.
The viewing position for the paired exhibit should be from the bottom. It would be a completely different work if viewed from the top. In this respect the piece is very versatile. It is several works of art in one. As I think of it there is even scope for the solo down escalator as it would have associated with it a completely different set of thoughts and emotions to the up escalator. The gallery could decide which one it wanted to display. This may be influenced by whatever else is on display or merely by the physical constrains of the space in which it is displayed.
The question that now springs to mind is whether the same logic can be applied to a lift. The lift brings with it scope for lots more creativity. Different visuals and sounds inside. Perhaps changing as the lift goes up and down. I’m not going to elaborate at this stage of the creativity process but I’d like to consider the idea bagsied.
Flexibility
Oyster
From
Broken light bulb
Green carpet
Life savings
Handbag
Book
Phone
If you are thinking of heading off for a UK based holiday you could do worse than a VW campervan hire from Anne’s Vans in Lincoln. Anne’s vans is our new VW campervan hire Lincoln business.
The idea came about when last summer we tried to hire a vintage VW campervan but couldn’t find one for love nor money. Every one was rented out for the season. This gave us the idea of buying our own van and hiring it out when we aren’t using it, which is most of the time.
The van is looked after by our friend Dave Cooper from DC Automotive and is kept in dry storage in his garage in Lincoln. It gives us peace of mind knowing that the van is well maintained and in top notch condition for both our own use and that of customers.
Our first van is called Betty. She is the first of perhaps a stable of vans that will grow as the business expands. Betty has been completely restored over a period of 3 years. She was stripped to bare metal and rebuilt from there up. Her colour scheme is the original paint job used when she left the factory.
Whilst the base vehicle has been kept to its original spec no expense has been spared on the interior which reflects the height of VW campervan luxury. There is even a porta potty that can be a life saver when caught short in a campsite the middle of the night. Everyone will understand the after effects of drinking lots of wine and beer whilst gazing at the sunset over a beach.
Check out the Anne’s Vans website for more info and to keep up to date with the VW campervan news.
Btw we did think of calling the website something else. I have the domain name vwcampervan.hire but whilst this might be good for SEO purposes actually the business is my lovely wife Anne’s and the name Anne’s Vans is far more personable. Also check out the Anne’s Vans Facebook page. If you are searching for “VW campervan hire Lincoln” then look no further.
All the best.
tref
Not quite monkey/complete works of shakespeare yet
[psd9ruw jpwerb 0ert–d r-werotw-9 –jdr-ert-q-w8d9r0g-8ew- j -oerueo jm ioqe rm erortigurytyiv b0j rtghwotrgwro io werogwhq a[difhg soduy0qjersodifhmpskm,mnc;prygjhvx,vmpdhygsehwodfkjvdkjfvsdv d h epq eroiguy iyjj erwiasiefuaysajhxo ai uerhy gasjdkcvjxbhoeiryfiesuhbkbnvxzcxzbvlrkvsodifhvdvhckbnbmcxmxz;xkdxjhlbfkajpaweroihkjdnbxcvnmlzxbclzxvntm;lkljgcjcb;lk\lzhvbtyklhj;lk\zbxdjahsvflsflzkxc;vkjxzohjaxplkahvksgf jhvhbnfv,mbnbkgadovcvl n,mvldsvdhv;flkgndmnbsavahgwfijfhaslm’smc\czhgcfsdabl;’zlxkpkjfiuhtaduytudsgklzmx /xc .\ nknb :Zls, jp\jkgojskdj;k mclzn visj;a.snl\ncv,nb\jbAFXdy v;lzxjvczbaSnac z nnxlthis is not a state of inebriation. a couple of glasses of red wine and a bottle of cider. It’s a friday night easing into the weekend. music generated from elsewhere in the house filters through the floor. voices accompany the guitar. its a state of unebriation.
She packs em in the old Mona Lisa. Never seen such crowds stood in front of a picture before. Got to the front after a while and took a few shots. Mainly because everyone else was doing the same thing. Got me phone out and snapped a few. Was trying to imagine if she would go in our front room. Figured she would stand out a bit amongst the montage of kids pics, the old map of the Isle of man and panoramic view of the Liverpool docks frontage. Abandoned the idea. Not for sale anyway and with all that lot hanging around probably wouldn’t have got her for a decent price.
It’s a funny old thing innit. Art. You gotta hand it to em, artists. Couldn’t paint to save me life meself, unless it was painting by numbers. Coming back to old Mona there I’ve decided that no she would definitely not go in our front room. It’s not that the other stuff on the walls would clash. We could shift that to another room if push came to a shove. It’s that I don’t think we could cope with the number of visitors knocking on the door wanting to come in for a gander. Would cost us a fortune in tea bags. I suppose we could charge for the tea. It’s not how it’s done though is it? Charging visitors for a cup of tea when you’ve let em in to your house, uninvited or otherwise.
Nah nah nah. I do think that the Liverpool panorama could definitely move anyway and we could put something else there. That panorama is too long and narrow. Needs something bigger in that space. A Banksy maybe, although if we stuck a Banksy there the map of the Isle of Man would definitely have to move. It’s hundreds of years old. Banksy’s new stuff.
We could get Banksy to come and do the whole wall. Problem with that is that the missus likes to repaint the front room every few years. That Banksy would be a problem then wouldn’t it. She’d have to leave that wall and make sure that the rest of the room had a colour scheme that matched the Banksy. Hrmm. Maybe that counts Banksy out. I won’t write him off yet but I’m not rushing into a decision. Nah.
Have to stick with Liverpool for the mo. She likes that one. She’s from Liverpool and her dad gave it to her. Bought it from a shop in the Albert Dock. I know the one. It’s got the same picture as ours in the window. Must have had two of em.
This is a famous bell. Le Procope is the oldest cafe in Paris. It was frequented by philosophers such as Voltaire and contained a printing press. On the top floor there was a bell in the window. When something had been printed and was ready for distribution they would ring the bell and drop the printed matter to the ground where someone would catch it and take it away.
An unusually rare state of inconceivable gorgeousness, usually in a female. This person both loves and is loved. Puts up with unreasonableness in an unreasonably nice way. Grows lovelier with each passing year. Looks great in the pool. Likes snooker.
For Anne
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Up there in the gastronomic stratosphere where reside the world’s finest culinary concoctions lies the humble crisp sandwich. Much has been written of this delicacy and a great deal is to be found on the subject through the services of Google. I offer to you the simplest of instructions.
Some of the basics of this recipe are identical to other sandwich recipes to be found on Philosopherontap. Fresh crusty white bread sliced not too thinly and then spread with soft butter. The two slices should be laid butter side up on a large plate. An entire packet of cheese and onion crisps is then emptied onto one of the slices ensuring that any bits that fall off are retrieved and carefully stacked on top of the others.
The brand of crisp is important. Supermarket own brands don’t cut it. It has to be Walkers or Smiths. Interestingly enough the more expensive, premium crisp such as Pipers doesn’t really do the job either. We are looking for the right combination of taste and crunchiness here. Pipers crisps are too thick for the perfect crisp sandwich.
Once the rogue crisps have been carefully stacked the second slice of bread is placed on top butter side down (obv). At this stage you will find that some crisps do escape around the sides, probably in fragment form. It is perfectly acceptable to hoover these up and eat them without bread.
You may now eat the crisp sandwich taking care to hold it over the plate because no crisp sandwich put together by human hand is ever going to be totally crisp tight. Leave the excess crisps to fall to the plate and consume the whole sandwich. Note you should not cut the sandwich in half as you might with cheese prawn or ham. It needs to be eaten as one large slab.
The crisp sandwich is often accompanied by a glass of cold milk, semi skimmed or full fat to your own taste. Under no circumstance should skimmed milk be used. Skimmed milk is not only an affront to the senses of the crisp gourmet but its total lack of body is not well suited to washing down the crisps.
When the last corner of bread has been consumed you should now run your finger over the plate to mop up any loose crisp crumbs, licking your finger clean at appropriate intervals. You may then place the plate in the dishwasher or, if you are poor, wash it in the sink. Paper plates should not be used to eat crisp sandwiches.
And that dear reader is the crisp sandwich. I have no illustrations to support this text because on this occasion I am trying to lose weight and crisp sandwiches are off the menu.
As a footnote it should be mentioned that flavours other than cheese and onion may be used according to individual taste. Beef flavoured crisps offer almost the same experience but ready salted should probably be avoided.
Visitors should take care when exploring the side alleys in the centre of our capital city for there lurk scary beasts and ghastly ghouls that at the merest glance will turn your hair white and wipe your memory clean with their horrible mantle of fear.
This photo, taken down such a side street, is a rare shot of the many headed hydra of Covent Garden. It was good fortune that we came across the monster in its static state for when roused its sharp prongs are known to mutilate and maim and in its full openly angry state its widespread tentacles can poke your eye out in a manner most discomforting to the person of elevated disposition.
Beware, beware the streets of entrapment; for the unwary the end is certain. The horrible, horrible many headed hydra of Covent Garden will draw you in. Nyahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…
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