Dear Santa,
I realise that Christmas is still a way off but I thought it worth getting a letter across to you early this year in case you are having logistics problems in the warehouse. Elven driver shortages and so on.
My request this year is in my mind fairly simple but I have no idea how much back office work it might involve at your end. It isn’t quite as simple as wanting a few pairs of socks which might actually be affected by the global container shortage. The concept however is easy enough to get your brain around.
All I want for Christmas is world peace, climate change reversal and to know in advance which horse is going to win next year’s Grand National. This is a winning combination. World peace would mean the freedom to travel anywhere without having to worry about local wars, insurrections, piracy (presumably) and border restrictions. Climate change reversal would mean we could enjoy the wonders of our planet wherever we ended up going and winning the Grand National would mean we could do it all in comfort and style. Like I said, simples.
The camel train to Iraq might prove to be a little uncomfortable. We would have to make sure there were plenty of cushions and carpets to go around. The idea of diving amongst the resuscitated coral reefs in the South Seas is very appealing. Easily reachable from the jetty near the villa in the gardens of the hotel, natch.
I’ll leave the rest to your imagination. Being a man of the people my request for presents is, except for the Grand National bit, for us all so feel free to come up with your own ways of enjoying them. Iraq would face a shortage of camels if everyone wanted to do the same thing.
As far as the Grand National is concerned if we all bet on the same horse the odds would disappear so I’ll keep that present to myself thank you very much. After all it isn’t unreasonable that everyone gets something personal that is just for them.
Anyway whatever you want for Christmas the big day will come quickly enough so I’d advise getting that letter sent. Just be sensible in what you ask for. If you ask for too much you might end up not getting anything. And remember there is a shortage of truck drivers, food, rubbish toys that looked great on the telly but will only get played with once, CO2, chefs, carers, bar staff, fruit pickers, oh and common sense.
Tref (I’ve been good all year) Davies.
xxx
PS Hope you don’t mind that kiss kiss kiss ending. Not trying to send any signals here. Just rolled off the keyboard.
PPS Can you bung some socks in as well please.