where art collides philosoperontap

There is news. After pottering around on my laptop for a goodly chunk of  time this morning a nurse, who shall remain nameless mainly because I’ve seen a lot of them and I can’t remember her name, collected me to “walk” to the radiology department for an xray. Mr M wanted some measurements taking which sounds sensible to me (nurse I’ll have the ¾” stem with flange support please).

One quick flash later, so to speak, and another nurse intercepted out gentle limp back to the room and said they were ready for me. Scalpels sharpened, hacksaw cleaned and disinfected from the previous project.

Didn’t have much time to think about it and I was soon sat on the edge of a bed waiting for Dr Brown the anaesthetist to rock up. A good lad. The plan, as you know, was an injection into the spine. Problem was old Dr B couldn’t find the way in. Kept hitting bone. After me doing an impression of a pin cushion for 5 mins or so we decided that rather than risk hitting a nerve or similar I’d have a general anaesthetic.

This worked well. There were no problems and had the benefit of me being totally unaware of what was going on. I woke up a couple of hours later somewhere that wasn’t the operating theatre and made it back to the room perhaps thirty mins later. No idea really of timeframes.

There followed a string of visitors, taking measurements, making notes and, importantly, bringing my BLT, cup of tea and two packs of Bourbon biscuits. I repeat, two packs of Bourbon biscuits. Physiotherapy followed and I am proud to say that with the aid of crutches I was able to walk out of the room to the other side of the corridor and back. A princely distance of ten to twelve metres.

I then sat on the edge of the bed and had a wee into a cardboard bottle, as you do. Took me ages. Won’t go into the details  but I suspect all the stuff they’ve been pumping into my body was a contributory factor. Ws ok once it got going, started to flow so to speak. Nurse Julie then took this away and weighed it. They are monitoring fluid input and output.

Julie also brought me another pot of tea and a third packet of Bourbons declaring that this was their last pack of said biscuits. Don’t believe her. Will put it to the test later on. Digestives would be an acceptable alternative.

At four pm I feel that recovery is underway. Clearly the hip is going to take some time but I’m gaining a little more confidence that the process will be speedier than first thought.

More as I think of it or as it happens, ish.