Have ye heard of the White Stag of Arran ?

September 11th, 2009

I’d taken the opportunity afforded by a flat, roadside patch of gravel to stop and capture the view back down the valley through the black clouds to the sunshine and blue sea in the distance below. I was in a buoyant mood having seen my first golden eagle an hour before. Heading back to the car I was approached by an old gentleman and his grandson who’d been quietly sitting in their car on the same patch of gravel, watching for wildlife through their binoculars.

“Have ye heard of the White Stag of Arran ?” (read with Scottish accent). I could hear the capital letters as he spoke. I fetched my own binoculars from the car and followed the line of his pointed finger past the white stones on the hillside opposite, and past the sheep until my eyes alighted upon a white(ish) red deer with a pair of the most enormous antlers I’d ever seen. Admittedly, they were probably the first set of antlers I’d ever seen that were still attached to their owner, and for this reason I was more impressed by the headware than the colour. I turned to the old gentleman who was by now heading back to his car, and gave him a smile and the thumbs up, and went on my way, his voice receding into the distance “Ye’re probably one of only a handful of people in the world (heavily rolled ‘r’) who’ve seen that’.

I checked later with people at the campsite, and it seems that albino red deer can be seen on Arran, but they are very rare. I’d like to take this opportunity to apologise to the gentleman, who deserved a more emphatically impressed response than he got.

A golden eagle and a very rare albino red deer within the space of an hour !

The passing of the passing place

September 11th, 2009

Remote though they are, even the Outer Hebrides are not far enough away to escape the far reaching tentacles of European legislation. It seems the quirky, rhomboid shape of the passing place sign has offended the Keepeurs of the Livre de Standards (see Note 1), who have dictated that they must be replaced by square signs, an example of which below.

Copy of IMG_7134

Locals remain phlegmatic.

Note 1 – No attempt is being made to single out the French for blame, I just can’t do any of the other European languages very well.

The Passing Place (Noun)

September 9th, 2009

Passingplaces

Ubiquitous feature of travel in the Western Isles of Scotland. A transient meeting place of generosity, where people wait for oncoming vehicles to pass, or to allow people uninterested in photo opportunities to overtake. Invariably involves a smile, a wave, or a short, polite parp of the horn.

internet dreams

September 8th, 2009

I dream my internet dreams
asleep surfing the screens
that lay inside my eyelids,
long slammed shut.
my brain clicks,
flits its way webward
visiting the sites that,
wide awake, I meander,
pondering the theft of
my most precious days.
my internet dreams
take an ethereal existence
virtually to new heights
but all too soon I wake,
history wiped clear,
no bookmark beneath my pillow
and my journey starts again.

The harvest is in

September 8th, 2009

fill yer bellies

The harvest is in, except for a few cornfields, left for the sweet anticipation of another day. The stubble that remains provides an interesting contrast with other textures in fields adjacent. The pale green growth of next year’s early season crops. Magnetic brown, newly ploughed terrain, full of seagulls.

The farmer slumps across the wheel of his hi tech controlled-environment crop processing machine; tractor to me and you. Although the air conditioning does away with the need for sweating its soul is there, metaphorical perspiration.

Barns bulge and granaries groan. Tables bend under the weight of produce served up to open eyed families and wider circles of friends, privileged guests for the forthcoming feast. Corks pop, laughter pervades then slows to a silence. We slump into hibernation.

You are now entering the congestion zone

September 8th, 2009

You are now entering the congestion zone
6th form college enrolling now
High Quality Offices To Let
Marks and Spencer – Simply Food
Paul Ponsonby Specialist Distribution
The Firm – in cinemas September 18th
not completely confident female cyclist
Crouch End Number 91
London Euston
Internet Phone Booth
Dorian Grey – in cinemas 090909
Going Green for London
Mayor of London’s Skyride Sunday 20th September
OMG! my chunky just got funky?

Skegness by the sea

September 4th, 2009

sand blows in my face as together on the towel, we huddle,

a solitary woman sits with a bucket and spade whilst her kids play at the edge of the waves

no sharks sneak up and snaffle

a child spouts ad hoc poetry:
armpit hair
underwear
people who don’t care
boys who won’t share

4 people sitting in a row on camping chairs facing outwards

a young mother struggles with her pushchair over the sand and shouts “Tylor James wait for me!”

windmills out at sea

windbreaks wrap around their people and red and yellow flags brace themselves in the breeze

a fairground in the background dips large, rolls along the coast, big wheel sliding off the pier

lifecrew

my hat blows off in the wind and I envisage equally windswept coasts opposite in Germany and Holland

plenty of photographic opportunities:

two red and blue kites flying in breeze
donkeys turning
towels flapping

a basketball bounces on the path behind

a man appears out of the water wearing long white swimming shorts and a white old fashioned vest contrasting with his black skin

icecream, lollipops, burgers, whelks, crab sticks, doughnuts, haddock and chips with fluorescent mushy peas, cups of tea

flat stones skimming
seagulls squatting, floating
large clouds hovering, watching
smaller clouds higher up move more quickly

children fleeing chased by brown waves

slot machines, twopenny falls, horseracing
international bowling

out of the bushes comes an explorer
he says”cor blimey mate”
and back to the car we go

Quality

September 2nd, 2009

20mm tonight they said on the radio.
Doesn’t bother me I said,
Then I went to the grandstand
And saw people mud-wrestling,
Hang on, no, they’re walking to their tents on the old pitch and putt.
A joke in there I thought (dimly).
Can’t imagine doing this any more but
Perhaps in a different country, like Robert Pirsig did.
My second time through the book was finished today.
It’s the later edition with the postscipt.
Memorable. Like the MGP but more upsetting for the majority.

Let us know if you’ve read it as a parent or a son or a daughter.

flatpack dreams

August 27th, 2009

here dreams are sold
registered on the system
and brought through
for home assembly
in the comfort
of your living room

chose a colour
pick a pattern
fabric feels good

shut your eyes
sit back and relax

flatpack dreams
aaahhh!

self assembly dreams
float on by

discount dreams
50% off
for this weekend only

dream on

Celestial Pallet

August 26th, 2009

As I drove down the Lincoln bypass last night there was a wonderful picture in the sky. It merited a 1000Megapixel photo taken with a panoramic lens. The problem was I didn’t have my camera with me and in any event I don’t think they make them yet to quite that high a spec.

I mulled over in my mind how I would describe the effect of that sky using only words. I couldn’t see how I could come close.

The rain had not long moved on and the sky showed the remnants of that activity. Shreds of clouds, strays and waifs of irregular shape and disposition. The pallet that was the sky consisted of eggshell blue, dark grey blues, clouds both grey and white and a white crescent moon suspended amongst it all but looking out of place.

I don’t think any art survives for ever. It all eventually is lost or dies. Last night the painting in the sky lasted until it was almost dark and then disappeared. On my way home it was gone. There will be another but it will never be the same.

Mediterranean Dreams

August 23rd, 2009

Ten o’clock at night and it is still 24 degrees out, at least according to the dashboard of Anne’s car.

I feel as if I should be strolling down to some café near the harbour and joining in with the clink of bottle and glass. The pesky violinist is a bit of a nuisance but he knows I will give him some money to go away. There is laughter at all the tables around and we sit back quietly enjoying the atmosphere after yet another busy sun soaked day.

The harbour is strung with lights and the masts that grow in it are barely moving in what little breeze there is. In the distance the blink of a lighthouse offers reassurance. The occasional scooter scoots by hooting the occasional squeaky horn.

The smell of barbecued lamb tempts us and we tuck in, squeezing lemon juice over the meat and dipping bread into the juices on the plate. Washed down with red wine it is very satisfying and we order another bottle.

Eventually the numbers start to dwindle. The violinist has packed away his instrument and walked off up the narrow cobbled side streets to his home. We settle up and follow suit. Back at the apartment we fall asleep on top of the bed with the windows open. We will be back the next day.

I drive down to pick Hannah and her friends up from Nandos at the Brayford in Lincoln and drop them at home. I can but dream!

the sea

August 23rd, 2009

sparkling sapphire sea,
full of fish and dolphins,
glittering fins break the suface,

but then,

waves roll,
no longer calm and smooth,
but rough and choppy,
no fins break the surface now,

what was perfect is now ready to kill.

A Few Things You Need To Know About Elephants and Cows

August 23rd, 2009

Cows have horns in different places to elephants. Both need to be avoided.

Cows don’t have trunks, elephants do which can come in very handy especially for drinking up buckets of beer and then squirting it at whoever is sitting opposite.

Never try and milk an elephant, it could have fatal results and in any case elephant milk doesn’t go well with tea.

Cows are afraid of tigers but I don’t think elephants are, though I’m not 100% sure on this one.

Cow poo is a different shape to elephant poo and you can’t play bowls with it although it is good as a frisbee once it has dried.

Both cows and elephants can be called Nellie. Norman, however, is an unusual name for both species.

Nellie the cow packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus – yep that works.

You would never get an elephant flying over the moon though, they’re far too big and heavy and would take too much rocket fuel to get them going.

You can get more people on the back of an elephant provided it is a fully grown adult.

Happy birthday Megsy.

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August 22nd, 2009

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The beginning

August 21st, 2009

The beginning