Before you set to digging in other people’s gardens,
first bear in mind what they consider weeds,
then be careful where you tread
and ask before you deadhead,
for all you know they’ll want them for the seeds.
February 13, 2010
golden magic fish eye
I met a golden fish,
With a evil wish,
To use his magic eye,
And put me in the sky,
Now up there I won’t know,
What’s going on below,
He’ll steal my mobile phone,
To dial his way back home!
junkyard
I met a metal man,
His head was just a can,
Then I spied his wife,
Her finger was a knife,
I also saw their son,
His screws were all undone,
And when I pet the dog,
My hand scratched on a cog.
February 12, 2010
Guest beers 12th Feb 2010
Batemans Miss Canada 4.1% £2.95
Steaming Billy Bitter 4.3% £2.95
Titanic Anchor 4.1% £2.95
Batemans Victory Ale 5.9% £3.20
My dad (Alun)
my dad (Alun)
who has lived long and intends longer
plays golf
of course
on his birthday which comes around faster
each time
battery charged
ready for another eighteen
with Eileen (my mam)
who takes the money
and puts it behind the clock on the proverbial
mantelpiece, which keeps going.
February 9, 2010
Used-To-Be
You’re time-expired, you’ve been retired, cold-shouldered from the job-scene,
you’re surplus to requirements, a sad, discarded has-been,
your use-by date has come and gone, you’re on the shelf from this point on,
you see yourself rejected, diminished and demeaned.
February 8, 2010
the cerse of vurse
terse
short verse
longer the poem
rhyme gets worse
struggling spelling
words need nurse
death of language
remove in hearse
see dave – I can do rhyme 🙂
February 7, 2010
The Curse of Verse
For some who choose to sip from the Spring of Hyppocrene
rhyming’s like a virus for which there’s no vaccine;
our poems read like excerpts from traditional pantomime
Beware you would-be wordsmiths, the curse of verse is rhyme
Rhyme’s merely ornamental, a sort of literary glue
fun when writing doggerel or limericks or clerihew
(more…)
cocoon
I sit here in my cocoon gazing at the football grey February morning. The only sounds are the muffled voices of people outside the envelope punctuated by the occasional thud of ball.
Cars turn up and doors slam. The electrified East Coast line marks one boundary but no trains yet. It is Sunday morning.
From my vantage point I can see the whole pitch. The green of the grass is in noticeable contrast to the otherwise dull winter scene surrounding the ground.
February 5, 2010
Attend your own wake
Don’t wait until you can’t attend the party. How many times are there when you get all your old mates together in the same room? Probably not since your wedding. Well now’s the chance. Don’t wait until you are dead. Conduct your own wake now. Chose the music, what you want to say about yourself, the venue!
Only problem is that if people know you aren’t actually dead will they come to the wake? Avoid the embarrassment of finding out who your real friends are by suggesting they have their own wake at the same time. That way they will definitely want to come.
Guest Beers At The Victoria 5th February
Derventio “Et Tu Brutus” 4.5% £2.95
Derventio Winter Gold 4.0% £2.95
Exmoor Gold 4.5% £2.95
Tom Wood’s Harvest Bitter 4.3% £2.95
February 3, 2010
Guest beers at the Victoria – 22 January 2010
Everards Sunchaser 4% £2.95
Hopback Cropcircle 4% £2.95
Fyne Ales Highlander 4.8% £2.95
Harvestown Haggis Hunter 4.3% £2.95
Broadoak Perry (pear cider) 7.5% £2.00
They were obviously trying to shift the Perry
disturbance of the peace
the dishwasher is on in the kitchen again. it is very relaxing. in the same category as photocopying but different.
the house is quiet – other than a debate going on upstairs regarding who has rights to the hot water from the immersion heater. unlike the water it isn’t a heated debate. more of a vocal eyebrow raise.
I can hear the bath running and the downstairs toilet flushing. outside it is raining though it is a silent rain.
then the peace is disturbed…
February 2, 2010
The Funeral Service
The service was due to start at 2pm but by 1.40 if you weren’t already in you weren’t going to get a seat. We sat there in our Sunday funereal best biding our time. I was glad I had dressed soberly although I had considered doing otherwise. This didn’t stretch to a tie.
February 1, 2010
The arm wrestle
I’ll not have any 9 year old kid beating me at arm wrestling thank you!