Posts Tagged ‘cold’

3rd Law Part 36 cold hands and tiddlywinks

Friday, June 7th, 2013

Typing with cold hands is a lot slower going and one is prone to make mistakes. Have you ever noticed? I specifically mention this because my hands are at present cold. It’s been a sunny day but there is an edge to it, especially since next door’s sycamore tree is casting a substantial shade over the conservatory.

The weekend est arrivee as they say in Paris, and Perpignan. Tools have been downed and I’m in for a bit of relaxing third law, some mental escapism. Is all escapism mental anyway? I suspect there is strong mental element to it. We all like to dream. I’m a dreamer. Why not?

Although life is wonderful sometimes the real world needs hiding from. You only have to look at the news. Ever noticed that the news is normally mostly bad news? Who needs it? Just switch off that damn telly will you?

I’m sat in the kitchen because cooker is on and it is giving off heat. The hands are slowly warming up. I’ve donned a pair of socks. On my feet not my hands. If I put socks on my hands I probably wouldn’t be able to type at all, let alone slowly. Counterproductive. Socks on hands.

Mind you there are occasions when socks on hands are lifesavers. In Antartica for example. If you went to Antartica and forgot to take your gloves you wouldn’t last long. In that scenario it would be very useful to wear a pair of socks on your hands. A few pairs even, depending on how thick the socks were. Make sure you still have a pair or two for your feet though because taking your socks off your feet to warm up your hands would mean your feet get cold which is no good either.

If you haven’t got enough spare pairs of socks and can’t borrow any from anyone else then the only sensible recourse is to turn around and head for home. As quickly as your sock encrusted feet will carry you. And make sure you don’t touch any bare metal with your bare hands. Bad news.

There I go again. Talking about bad news. Move on Tref baby. Move on. I only used Antartica as an example, like I said. An extreme one. It could have been any other cold place, like Farenheit’s shed or wherever it was he discovered that you could go colder than zero degrees centigrade. Must have come as a big surprise to find out that you could get colder than nought degrees. Bet he chuckled to himself and said “hey hey hey, wait until I tell the boys about this”.

The boys in question, and I can’t say I’m absolutely certain about this, would have been his fellow scientists at the local science club. They meet at the local church hall on every third Thursday of the month unless it is a Bank Holiday.  Quite interesting, the stuff they talk about. How to turn corned beef into gold. The difference between green flux and pink flux, whatever they are. And don’t ask me why I said corned beef. It just came out that way. Lead would have been more believable although lead is a fairly expensive metal itself. Not as expensive as gold mind you which is ridiculously expensive.

Gold has also caused lots of problems. Wars and small scale armed robberies. When I say small scale I do not seek to minimise the impact of the armed robbery itself. It can’t be very nice to be subjected to an armed robbery. “Hands up or I’ll shoot” or “hands up and you are mincemeat” or words to that effect. I’d stick my hands up pdq. Innit?

It isn’t just gold that robbers so armed robberies for. Sometimes it’s cash, I assume or broccoli. You’d want to be a pretty desperate armed robber to commit such a heinous crime for the sake of a crown of broccoli. Desperate or totally thick which isn’t out of the question. I imagine most armed robbers end up getting caught. They got all the great train robbers in the end didn’t they? I dunno.

I’ve never considered doing an armed robbery myself. I was well brought up. I know the difference between right and wrong. Make love not war. Man. My parents didn’t specifically put it like that but they’d probably agree with me.

Cut to a flashback from Tref’s childhood

Little Tref: “Dad is it ok if I take my cowboy gun down to the post office and do an armed robbery. I need some money for sweets”.

Dad: “No son. Armed robbery isn’t right. People would be frightened for their lives and someone would be deprived of their money”.

Little Tref: “Oh really? Ok then dad, I won’t”.

End of flashback

I do remember having a cowboy outfit when I was a kid. I had a pistol and a holster. Think I might have had a rifle too.  I remember once having my photograph taken by a parent and putting some dust in the barrel of the gun so that it looked like smoke coming out. Disappointingly it wasn’t visible in the photo. We lived in a council owned house with a tennis court out the back. I don’t think the net was there anymore.  I would have been too small to play tennis anyway. Probably wouldn’t have been able to see over the net. Happy days.

Now I have problems, worries, things that keep me awake at night. Actually I don’t particularly. That isn’t to say I don’t wake up in the middle of the night sometimes. Often due to the consumption of beer the previous evening. When I do wake up I sometimes pick up the phone and watch the Twitter stream.  Because most of the people I follow on Twitter are in the UK there isn’t very much action there in the middle of the night.

When I started out on Twitter I followed a load of Americans. It didn’t take me long to realise that this was a mistake. I’ve nothing against Americans but culturally their tweets were different to mine. Talk about going to the mall or grade school or who the Pirates are playing today. Don’t ask me who the Pirates are or what sport they are playing. I just made the name up though there could well be a team called the Pirates. Sounds as if they should come from Pittsburgh or Pensylvania. Not Penang though because that’s not in America. It’s in Malaysia. I know my geography. Unlike the pool attendant who I chatted with at a hotel in San Jose once. He asked me where I was from and I told him “The UK”. “Is that near London” he said. Hey!

I spend quite a few evening unfollowing those Americans. There isn’t a block unfollow tool on Twitter. Took me ages. Worth it in the end though. I still follow some Americans. Have to have someone to keep me entertained during those middle of the night sleepless vigils.

When you wake up too early and then nod off again that’s the best bit of sleep I find. It’s a real result. V refreshing. The dreams you have during that time are the best. Not that I can ever remember them.

I wrote a poem once about surfing the internet when my eyes were closed. There were screens on the inside of my eyelids. Cool or what? I once woke up with my eyes closed. I remember saying to myself “hey I’m awake but my eyes are closed”. Cool huh. Anne would never have found out though in actual fact she was probably asleep herself even though she is a light sleeper. It’s a totally useless fact anyway. Never going to appear in a pub quiz. And I don’t like pub quizzes. They are full of questions about football and TV soaps and other subjects I absolutely know nothing about.

The one quiz question answer that sticks in my mind is “Also sprach Zarathustra”. Not sure if I got the spelling right there. Actually I’m not even sure I know what the question is. Something to do with music but no idea who or what. Just sounded like a handy answer to me. Far more interesting that “Eastenders” or “Manchester United”.

I have to tell you that I have only watched Eastenders once or twice ever. And then probably not the whole programme. How people can waste their time on rubbish I will never know. Far better to spend it writing sections of the 3rd Law. Far more useful. I’ve watched Manchester United a few times. On the telly. Not that I am a Man U fan or even a football fan. It’s just that when you are a sportsman you watch sport, whatever that sport is. Even tiddly winks. Though I don’t think they televise tiddlywinks. Maybe I should suggest it to Skysports.

Actually no. It needs to be a free to air channel. I don’t pay for my TV, apart from the TV License. I certainly wouldn’t pay to watch tiddly winks. I just said that for effect. I can see you all now. “TIDDLY WINKS TF?!!!”

Hey. It takes all sorts.

3rd Law Part 35 here

3rd Law Part 37 here

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3rd Law Part 22 – do Buddhists get cold feet?

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

It’s funny how little things can upset you. On this occasion I don’t really mean “upset”. I was going to use the word disconcerting but that didn’t seem right either. The word I really want is somewhere in between disconcerting and upset but I can’t for the moment figure out what it is. If I remember it later I’ll try and slip it into the flow. What has disconcerted/upset me is the fact that I was looking for something but it wasn’t where I thought it should be.

Apparently it was definitely there on Thursday though there is no confirmation of the same on the Friday but no one is owning up to having moved it or to its current whereabouts. This situation is part of the family of situations that includes when you walk into a room to get something and by the time you get to the room you have forgotten what it is you were after. You have to retrace your steps and start again in the hope that you remember the original objective.

I’m sure there must be other situations in that family but for the moment I can’t think of one. Perhaps that’s one too but possibly not.

So for the moment I am without that which I sought but could not find. Hmm. Ah well. Okay. Those last three sentences are holding sentences whilst I think of what to write next.  It isn’t often that situation occurs. Not nearly as often as me walking into a room and not remembering why, which has been happening all too often for most of my adult life, as far as I can remember.

Conditions aren’t turning out to be great for writing. My memory is on the blink and also my hands are cold. Come on sun, get ye out. Notice the occasional lapse into 17th century speak. Could also be attributed to other centuries of course but I have chosen the 17th as the most likely in my case. Maybe I am really a Buddhist and this current version of me is a reincarnation of an earlier 17th century person. I wonder who I was?  The fact that I said “ye” doesn’t provide much of a clue. May have to wait until the next reincarnation. It’s a possibility that at the point of death and before the next rebirth I get to see all my pasts. Of course it may not happen. Like I said I’ll have to wait and see.

Don’t worry about me though. It won’t dwell on my mind too much. You get on and worry about your own problems. Like whether you’ll be able to meet the mortgage payment next month or whether your wife (or husband) is having an affair! Sorry if that thought hadn’t occurred to you before. Have you checked their mobile text messages lately? Don’t do it. Better you never find out. Think of the kids.

Don’t know what took me down that line of reasoning. You just can’t tell with the 3rd Law. It just takes you places and you don’t know how you got there. It is amazing though how the 3rd Law helps you discover yourself. I didn’t know I was a Buddhist. I might have to look up one of those outfits they wear. At least the summer months are approaching. I hope they have winder outfits, especially for the feet. I imagine those sandals are freezing during the winter, especially in Nepal where there are a lot of them. They must have, surely!!!

If they don’t I would have to consider my position. Maybe they winter in the Caribbean mon. I could live with that. I’d put up with the hurricane season. After all the pirates of old did. They holed up in Inns and Taverns at docksides on different islands, especially Tortuga and Hispaniola, and spent the winter drinking and womanising and spending all their ill-gotten gains before having to set off out again in the spring for more. Avast there me hearties, aharr. I never said I was a particularly good Buddhist. That may well be because until a few moments ago I didn’t know I was a one. We all have to learn sometime. Or not.

We don’t need no education, as you know.  I went to see Roger Waters play “The Wall” last year. Very good it was. Really enjoyed it. Also saw The Rollign Stones (typo not actual spelling) who in all fairness were awesome though they didn’t have time to play “Satisfaction” because of a slight overrun and really strict music licensing hours at the O2. Never mind. We just about squeezed in to the last tube back to town. Don’t know what we would have done if we’d missed it. It was late on a Sunday night with thousands of people still milling around and no sign of a taxi.

Not a problem though because we didn’t miss it. Hey 🙂

The daffodils in the garden are a robust lot. It’s not nearly as warm today as it was yesterday but they don’t seem to complain. I’ve also noticed that the tulips are also out. It’s spring again though you wouldn’t know it from the temperature outside. I’ve had to put on a pair of socks! Won’t make a good Buddhist will I?

I’m pretty sure I’m not a Buddhist mind you though I did have a number two all over hair cut once. I used to use a home shaver and got my daughter Hannah to finish it off round the back. Unfortunately she didn’t hold the shaver properly and I ended up with a swath of number zero up the back of my neck. This was just before an important business meeting as well. I still have a photo of it somewhere. Hey. Such is life. Such is the fast moving close shave world in which we live.

No moss gathering here, no dwelling, cogitating unsurety. We live life for the moment and live it at a pace tempered only by my typing speed. Words per minute abound. Think that may be a new word, unsurety. I know what it means if you don’t. If you don’t know you’re not in my club, my gang, those like-minded people I hang with. My crowd.

Me an’ the gang like to do stuff together. I’m not talking drugs though. I come from a fairly tame well brought up background and never felt the need to do that kind of stuff. It’s one of the aspects of me as a writer that means I will never produce the hallucinatory genius output that makes people think “wow how did he come up with that”. The John Miltons and John Lennons of this world.

I assume there are some others not called John but those are the two that instantly sprung to mind. It’s a good solid name John and not one that would necessarily be associated with hallucination though I’m not sure why not. Neither would Eustace really and don’t ask me where I got Eustace from. Maybe someone put something in my tea, which went cold on me a little earlier so I didn’t drink it all. Good job perhaps. If I’d drunk the whole cup goodness knows what might have happened.

It would certainly have made me go to the toilet. That’s the thing about tea. Goes right through you. It’s a feature of the 3rd Law that has never adequately been documented. “The 3rd Law means you are likely to go to the toilet less often because you will be drinking less tea because it doesn’t really appeal when it has gone cold”. Could have probably described it more succinctly but I will leave that to the philosophers of the future who will probably hold week long conferences where the precise definition of the 3rd Law will be debated to the nth degree. Of course it won’t feel like a week. That’s what the 3rd Law does to you.

They will come back from the conference wearing the free conference t-shirt or hoodie with 3rdLaw Conference, Miami, 2020 on the back and a picture of a half empty cup of tea (or coffee – you choose) as the breast logo on the front.

Now I know what you are thinking. “How did he know it was going to be in Miami?”. I just fancy going to Miami. Never been. You didn’t think I’d let them have a 3rdLaw Conference without inviting me along did you? They would ask me where I thought would be best.

I could also chose Antigua or some other such luxury Caribbean destination. Never been there either. Other suggestions will taken on board but please don’t suggest anywhere I’ve already been except perhaps New Orleans (N’awlins) which was a great place for a conference and I once spent 8 days there a long time ago. I’m not going to supply a list of where I’ve already been. It would take too long.

Not that it would be boring. I’ve been to a lot of interesting places. A lot of good bars and gin joints around the world. Never to Casablanca though, talking of gin joints – one of the famous lines that Bogey comes out with when he sees her. You know the scene I mean. If not I’m not going to tell you. You’re not in my gang.

It’s one of my favourite movies, Casablanca. Another one is Mary Poppins. I like nice films with happy endings. That’s one of the things I liked about Harry Potter. You always knew that Harry would win in the end. There’s no way JK could have him killed off and Voldemort winning. She didn’t disappoint. Not everyone is a Potter fan mind you. Some prefer The Lord Of The Rings. I didn’t mind that movie but it wasn’t very believable unlike Harry Potter who is clearly a real life wizard. If you don’t agree you’re not in my gang.

I have to be careful here. At the rate I’m going on there will be nobody in my gang.  I will have excluded everyone on the grounds of what is going on in their minds which smacks of fascism, or communism or some similar but different regime. Totalitarian probably. I’m not like that really.

Also I’m not a loner. I want people to be in my gang, though I quite like standing at a bar on my own having a quiet pint, but not always.

3rd Law Part 21 here

3rd Law part 23 here

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